What am I doing here, exactly?

I’m still not exactly sure as to the purpose of this blog. I did the Who reviews, and that was cool, I guess. I have some Supernatural reviews saved, but I’m not sure I feel like publishing them. I don’t know about doing a weekly review of a TV show. I might. I don’t know.

The name of the blog suggests I might go on rants of some sort. And I have. But I’m still afraid to get at all personal about this blog. I just intended it to have some lists about sci-fi shit. But if not here, then where? So here it is:

Being out of work and scared about the future is not something that is unique to me. In fact, it’s most likely the position many are in right now. Yet I’ve never known it so deeply as I do right now. I’m scared for my future, whether or not I’ll ever work the job I want to. I’m scared for our country, our economy, our rights, our ecology. I’m afraid for the whole world and globe because I’m afraid that when I’m older all the people I love will be killed in massive food riots as our world heats and overpopulation takes its toll. I feel completely overwhelmed and powerless in a completely new way. It’s something that rides on my shoulders at all times, a little imp whispering words of fear into my ears. My job, my relationships, my body. Our workforce, our rights to our bodies. Our planet, our oceans.

I do not know what to do, and so I do nothing.

And now it’s winter, which means for the next 6-9 months we will see nothing but grey skies and rain here in the PacNW.

I’m also really fucking bored so I just sit around and watch Netflix.

Fear and anxiety are pretty fucking awful to live with. I’ve never really had to deal with this level of them before. I have a new level of empathy for those that have their lives run by it.

Our world is pretty fucked right now. My life feels pretty fucked right now. I’m just trying to be positive. Trying not to whine.

Then again, Joss Whedon is getting a TV show starring Agent Coulson. AD is coming back. Maybe we won’t destroy ourselves yet. And maybe I’ll get a call back soon with some good news about a job.

Until then, I’m going to keep writing, and hope that I can make something of this. Something other than whining, I mean. I promise.

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